Decisions decisions
Ok, this is just me putting my thoughts out on a “black & white”. Continue to breasfeed or not? I’ve BF (breastfed) Lukas till he was 4 months, then I just dired up. And it wasn’t the best time of my life.
Now with Ava, I’m still BF her, but its a battle everyday. I feel like my supply is going down. I’ve tried Fenugreek, it didn’t really help, and now I’m taking More Milk Plus. Which it does seem to be helping, but I thought about it that why am I forcing my body to do something, it doesn’t want to do on its own – produce breast milk. I know that breast milk is best, blah blah blah, but formula’s these days aren’t so bad either.
Ava is always attaced to me. She only nurses 5 minutes at the most, that means she is on the boob every two hours or so. I can’t leave the house for more than a couple of hours. If I do take her with me then I have to nurse her in public, which I’m not comfortable doing and always end up in my car, somewhere in the corner of a parking lot. And then other times when I do decide to rush home and nurse her, she ends up screaming in the her all the way home. And it is no fun driving with a screaming baby!
Pumping. Yes, I do that too. Even if I take a bottle with me and give her that instead of a boob, then I get engourged (sp) and still have to pump.
I just want to get my life back. As much as I love her, I don’t want her being attached to me ALL the time. And then there is the part where she is just USING my breasts as a pacifier. And that is not fun either. I mean, I can’t even hold her for more than like 10 minutes before she starts looking for a boob, and just pushes her face in it.
You know how people say that you bond more with a baby when you’re breastfeeding. Well, when I think about Lukas being breastfed for 4 months, and now Ava for almost 6 months, I DO NOT feel more bonded, or having a better bodn with Ava.
Oh and another thing, I have no idea how much she is eating. She is obviously getting enough, she is gaining weight and growing and all that, but I would just like to know how much she drinks. I know this shouldn’t be an issue, but in some ways it is. Maybe thats the reason she is eating every couple hours, because I used to always think that “what if she’s hungry” and ended up offering it to her. So she got used to eating so often. Agh, I just don’t know.
I would also love to start losing some baby weight plus what I’ve had from before. And you know how they say “breastfeeding helps you loose weight”. Well, not in my world, I’ve gained 10 pounds since I had her!
So yeah, I would want to start introducing her to formula, but with all this “Breastfeeding is Best” and “You should breastefeed your baby” etc, I guess I just seem having a hard time giving up breastfeeding.
So I am so torn on what to do.
Anyway, I will probably end up adding something else later on when it comes to my mind.
Passions
I used to watch “Passions” (soap) before all the time. That was before the kids. And then when Lukas came along, didn’t really had the time to watch all the time, but only few times a week. And now that there is Lukas AND Ava, I have NO time to watch it. If I get to watch one episode once a month, thats good!
But I always go on the website to read whats happening. (I know, I know) Who’s getting married, who’s getting the divorce, who’s having affairs, who’s having babies, who’s blackmailing who, and so on. You know how the soaps are. Well today I had a little time so i was just looking around the website, and guess what I found?! You can watch it online! Anytime after 6pm pst. How cool is that! Now I can watch it little by little when I have time. But thats another reason i will be spending more time on the computer. 
“I thought you cared about her”
This is what my husband told me last night about our daughter! I could not believe he said that. Ava has been really sick. She has a yellowy runny nose, sounds all congested, and has fever. This morning it was 102.1. Not good, I know. I keep giving her the fever reducer Infants Motrin, because its supposed to last for 6 hours. And it does bring the fever down, but after 3-4 hours the fever is back up.
So last night before I went to bed, I nursed Ava, which I usually don’t do that. She just gets a bottle of breast milk with cereal around 8pm and is down for the night. So last night I nursed her around 10:30-11. After a while all she wanted to do was just suck on my boobs. Using me as a pacifier. She used to want to do that a while ago, but I weaned her off of it. I know she is sick and everything, but I just don’t want her getting into habbit of sucking me again. So I put her in the crib and she started crying. This tired fussing crying. And about after 5 minutes, Viktor walks into the room and tells me that I should pick her up, and that he thought I didn’t care about her. WTF!! Of course I care about my kids!! I explained to him that later on it will be hard to break this habbit again, and she’ll end up crying many nights. And also I can not nurse her and sleep at the same time like I used to, and my body start hurting everywhere laying in that position. And for me to take care of a very active toddler and a sick baby next day I needed some sleep, at least a few hours of it. He says well thats ok, blah blah blah. So I pick her up and he leaves the room. He was sleeping with Lukas in his room. And one minute later he is snoring!
So yeah, I only slept couple hours. 20 minutes there, 30 minutes there, 15 minutes there. I guess it would all add up to like 3 hours. He better not push any of my buttons today!
One by one
I think we are all getting sick. 
It started with Lukas on Tuesday. And today Ava is sick. Now I’m waiting my turn, and then probably Viktor. I did feel something couple days ago, so I took some Advil, just in case. But nothing yet. I guess it wasn’t my turn yet.
Ahh, it really sucks! The weather is so nice, probably in high 80s, and we are stuck inside. It is unusual for the weather to be this warm at this time of the year, and when I heard that its supposed to be all nice and warm, I got really excited. I thought we can go to the parks and play outdoors, before the yucky rain comes in. Speaking of rain, I think once it starts raining, it will rain like a month non stop. Then what will I do. I will probably go crazy indoors. You will probably see me here a few times a day complaining.
My Heritage
It seems like everytime I pick a different picture with my hair looking slightly different, it shows me different look alikes. I guess they’re matching the hair, not the face. LOL
Mean playground kids
Yesterday I took the kids to the park, since the weather is in high 80s low 90s here, so I thought this will probably be one of our last chances to get out. My friend Maegan joined us with her two little kids. Lukas and Sheridan (Maegan’s 2 year old) get along so well. They always play together, chase each other, makes pizza’s or cakes out of wood chips, and so on.
Sheridan was swinging and Lukas was making a pizza (Lukas does not like the swings. I know, kind of weird) when these 2 kids went up to Lukas and started throwing woodchips at him. The kids were older, the boy was about 4 and the girl was about 3. The mom was further down so she did not see anything. As I was walking up to them, I said no throwing woodchips, and the girl picks up a hand full of woodchips and throws it at Lukas, right in front of me! She had some nerve! I say again no throwing woodchips, then the boy kind of walks away, but the girl is still standing there. I start calling Lukas to come out, (he was under the playground by this little table) but poor guy won’t even move, except he’s trying to clean his face off. There were woodchips everywhere on him, his hair, his face, his lips, his shirt, and some even got under. So I get under there and clean him off, and in the mean time the mom comes up, and tell the kids to apologize, the boy comes back and says he’s sorry right away, and the girl sayd she did NOT do anything. I’m thinking, oh no girl, you might be little but you’re not getting away with this. So i turn to her and tell her that yes, you were also throwing them. And only then she says she is sorry.
Lukas looked so scared. He never had this happen to him, so I guess he did not know what to think about it.
Before the woodchip incident, there was something else that I had to put a stop to. There were these three kids at the same playground with a nanny, two boys (maybe 6 and 4) and the girl (maybe 3). The boys were on their scooters going round and round the playground. Then the younger boy decided to get his scooter up on the playground, and you know some playgrounds have a little bridge to go across, well the kid was going back and forth with his scooter, while the other kids, including Sheridan and Lukas were standing at one end, waiting for their turn to go on the bridge. And the nanny is just standing there and is not saying anything. So I waited a few minutes, then I walked up and said that the scooter on the bridge is not a good idea. The nanny gives me a look and takes the scooter away. What in the world!!! The kid could have gotten hurt himself.
Oh and the older brother was sick, with a clod or flew or whatever, that now, guess what?! Lukas is sick!! And now as I’m typing this, I think I’m getting sick too. Oh how I HATE when parents or nannys or whoever bring the kids that are sick to the playgrounds!
Well, I’m off to bed now, but first I’ll take some pills, hoping that would save me from getting sick. If thats even possible.
Bulviniai blynai (potato pancakes)
So last Sunday I decided to make a Lithuanian dish – potato pancakes. (sorry, don’t have a picture, but next time I make them I will take and post a picture) Its kind of a lot of work if you don’t have this potato grinder (its a machine that grindes potatos). Now some of you think whats a big deal to grind a few potatoes using a hand held grinder? Well it is kind of, not kind of, actualy very hard to grind a 10lb potatos bag. I haven’t seen to buy one out here, and trust me, we looked everywhere for it (well actually my parents did). So my parents ended up bringin one from Lithuania, and now that they moved back there, they left me theirs as they can get another one out there. Anyway, where was I…uhhmmm….potato pancakes, thats right. So Sunday was the first time I got to use the machine. After I was all done cooking them, you should have seen the look on Viktor’s eyes. He could not believe I made them! He was so happy! That is one of his favorite Lithuanian dishes. And even Lukas ate. He had one and a half potato pancake.
We’ll see, maybe I’ll surprise him this weekend with something else yummy.
I got out
without kids and husband! It is so nice sometimes to get away from them no matter matter how much you love them. You just need your time. To be a better mother and a better wife, I think sometimes you just need to get away even for an hour or two. And today I needed my time.
So since every Thursday my friend Cynthia comes over, this Thursday i decided to go there, so she wouldn’t have to drive. We met for dinner at Marias Italian Kitchen. The food is so good there! They have the best Meat Lasagna ever! Every time I go there I end up getting just that.
We took our time eating. It took us a whole hour! And after that we headed to a shoe store – DSW. Cynthia always told me what a great shoe store that was. And oh boy! It is a great store! They had ALL kinds of shoes, and I mean all kinds. It looked like a shoe mall. The only thing they did not have was kids shoes. But thats ok, since there are tons of other placed that have shoes for kids.
When I got home I was greeted by Lukas at the door. He gave me the biggest hug! It felt so nice! And he looked so different, bigger (I know, it was only a few hours, but still). Ava was already asleep, but when I went up to check up on her, she also looked bigger, chubbier. And she was sleeping so peacefully.
Oh, and while I was driving to meet Cynthia, I remembered that Viktor has my new ATM card. My old one expired in October. he had it because he activated it for me, and forgot to give it to me. But thank God for the credit cards! I usually don’t like using them, but in emergencys like that, its perfect.
African Webcam
I saw this posted on one of the sites I visit daily, and thought it was really neat. You get to watch Africa’s wildlife on webcam. Enjoy!
The dates are off…
…on my posts!! For the Halloween post it says I posted it on the 1st of Nov, NO NO NO its still the 31st! Its 11:46 pm as I’m typing this. Argh!! Anyone know how to change that? And so this post will also show up as Nov. 1st. But its not!
