Depressed

I’ve been feeling depressed lately. For about a week now. And for no real reason. I just feel so sad and depressed at night time that sometimes I want to cry. And I do, but I don’t know why. There are some small things that bother me, but nothing to really be depressed or cry about about. One of the little things that bother me is house work. Ok, this may sound stupid, but it really does. I am so done with cleaning, doing dishes all day long, laundry, etc.

Cleaning. I mean the floors and vacuuming the rugs. I feel like I’m doing it ALL day long. With two kids eating there is always crap on the floor. They just throw things on the floor. And the worst part is when there is a cheerio, or a piece of cracker on the rug and I step on it. I can’t really pick it up all the thousand little pieces it brakes into, I have to vacuum it up, and if I don’t then those thousand little pieces of crumbs will be spread all over the place.

Dishes. I could use a dishwasher, but we don’t go through enough dishes to fill it u, and I hate running it when its only half full. And I don’t want to wait two or three days to fill it up. So I just end up washing them a few times a day. If I were to leave them all for the night, then my kitchen would be a mess and that would drive me even more crazy and then I wouldn’t even want to walk into the kitchen.

Laundry. With Lukas pooping in his underpants twice a day it just drives me crazy!!! And if I have pants on him then those get dirty too. I’m usually pretty good with laundry. I wash, dry, fold, put away. I usually do it few times a week. But with him pooping all the time in his clothes it seems like I’m doing laundry every day! Even if it is not a large load, it is still a load. I don’t want to go back to diapers because he is doing good with the peeing.

Kids. I shouldn’t be really stressed with them, but when they get up in the morning and the first thing they do is start whining right after they open their eyes, and don’t stop until they go to bed at night time, yeah, that gets to me. And Lukas really knows how and when to push my buttons. Especially lately. Also, it’s not helping that he is not listening all day long. I know he is being a two year old and these are the terrible two’s, but he’s been like that for over a year now, when will this stop?!

Then there are a few other things that bother me a little, but I don’t think I should be writing about them on here.

All I want is to have a weekend or even a day just to myself. To be able to sleep at night time without being waken up 2 or 3 or 4 times, or sometimes more. To be able to get up and not to worry about the little ones and not rush to make them breakfast and just enjoy my morning coffee, to be able to go to the bathroom and not be rushing because the little ones might get into something, and I could go on and on and on.

I really do love my kids and my husband and I couldn’t even imagine my life without them, but sometimes I just wish for that piece and quite.

I’ve recently got an IUD, could that be the reason that I’m feeling depressed lately? I got the one with hormones, Mirena, could it be that it has some kind of side effect until my body gets used to it?

Anyway, I guess this became more of a vent than anything, but I just needed to put it out there.